This is my very first entry here at live journal. I've decided that perhaps being involved in a community will help me deal with my ED. I need as much support as I can get.
Talking about my body is the scariest thing for me. I hate telling people how much I weigh because I'm so fat, it's embarrassing. As for my diet and exercise regime, I eat very healthy, however over the past semester I've been consuming way too many calories. This needs to stop. Since I started university I've gained 15 lbs. I need to lose it, plus more. I feel so disgusting. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore.
The thing I have been finding the hardest is sex. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. And we only see eachother once every two or three weeks. Before I couldn't way to have sex with him. I was so excited and it to it. I would go out and buy sexy lingerie, and learn new moves just to impress him. And it made me feel great. But now that I've gained all this weight, I can't stand it him seeing my naked body, all dimply, and fat. It's disgusting. I feel like a whale. I can feel my double chin  as I'm typing this, just sitting there. God why am I so f**king weak. I need serious help. I need someone who will tell me I'm fat, and tell me I need to get off my ass and lose weight. I want to be skinny.

So here are the facts.

My current weight: 165 lbs (omg)
lowest weight: 125
highest weight: 165
goal weight: 115
height: 6'3''
ED: anorexia/bulimia and I also suffer from clinical depression.

Today I ate so much, stress does this to me. i'm so disappointed in myself.

breakfeast: 2 boiled egg whites
                  1 cup of apple juice
                  1 cup lowfat yougrt
                  1/2 grapefruit
Lunch: Spinach wrap
           light mayo                                                     
           1/2 slice of cheese               
           1 tbsp crab
            lettuce
snack: 1 cup of coffee
           1 tsp of  2% milk
           1 tsp sweetner
Dinner: 2 fajita's w. tsp of sour cream
            fries (argghhhhhhh) 
            1 tsp ketchup
            1 cup sherbert
            3 cookies
water: 6 cups                        Exercise: none. (on my feet all day.... pfft still doesn't count though.)


So there it is, i want to throw up just thinking about it. No wonder I'm so f**king fat.

I need some thinspiration. Tomorrow is a new day. my goal is 900 calories. I'm afraid I'll get too sick if go too low.
wish me luck.